Sexbomb sexbomb you're a sexbomb

As I am in the market for a new job these days, I'm having an interesting time trawling through the weekly employment pages in the local rag. Last week was particularly interesting because there was a job that I was completely qualified for; in a location that's only about five minutes away; paid well; and I just couldn't bring myself to go for it. Basically, because it was managing a sex shop.

Now don't get me wrong- I have nothing against sex shops. I've pretty much only ever been into them with friends before costume parties (why is it that most men will jump at the chance to dress like a cheap hooker?) and my initial trip when I was 18 into the Black Rose which is everything you want in a seedy house of perversity: black carpet on the walls, novelty condoms in cammo print with slogans like 'Don't let her see you coming!' and a creepy man in a trench coat who followed me around the shop. I suspect he was the proprietor.

However, each to his or her or its own and if that sort of thing floats your boat* than I'm all for having a safe, clean and well lit environment in which to fulfil your sex shopping needs. I was initially sure that I could overcome my innate prudishness, but the more I considered the job, the more I realised that it wasn't so much that it wasn't the job for me, but that I wasn't the person for it.

I discovered this when I looked at the business' website, just to see what I'd be dealing with. I discovered that there are at least five sizes of penis enhancement pumps, they all look like the one in Austin Powers and the text underneath the pictures mentioned something about asking the friendly shop staff which size would suit your needs. If it wasn't being used to inflate a blow up mattress or a beach ball, I wouldn't have a clue. This was my first inkling that maybe a career in selling sex toys wasn't for me.

Each item that I came across on the website just helped increase this inkling. The recognisable toys made me blush enough, but even worse were the objects where I had no idea what they were for.

I'd love to be cool and mature enough to deal casually with things like this, but I don't think my capillaries could take the strain from that much blushing. Also, how do you gift wrap something that has the potential to vibrate off the counter? And to top everything off, they wanted you to have your own car, which would mean borrowing Bill's initially, and I just couldn't get the image of a giant penis painted on the side (mind you, if you're looking for a vehicle with which to promote safe sex, then surely a Volvo** is the way to go) out of my head.

So all in all, I'd have to agree with Mr Powers: "That's not my bag baby"

*I would say tickles your fancy, but I'm just not sure that that's appropriate.

** That's VolvO.

Bulldogs are adorable, with faces like toads that have been sat on. (Shakespeare)

Since returning home from the European adventure, I have developed a keen interest in dogs. I have always liked dogs, but I've never really been what I would call a dog person. It was after seeing all the sausage dogs in Germany and the lone Dalmatian on the Dalmatian coast in Croatia (took us ages to spot that one- mind the pun), that I have a new appreciation for the canines of the world.

Last weekend I was able to indulge this new found interest by attending the Dog's Day Out on the Eastern Shore. I was invited along by my sister's family and their black and white dog (not sure on the particulars of breed, but she's small, silky and cute) Fifi. The event basically seemed to be a venue for dog's and their owners to socialise around the sausage sizzle; watch dog's playing fly ball (apparently it's very complicated- looked a lot like fetch to me) and go through obstacle courses; and for the non-doggy sector to check out all the different types of mutt and dream of the day when we have a house with a backyard. As Arielle described it: it was Hairy Maclary come to life. I now know what a labradoodle, miniature chihuahua (it was barely there) and Irish Wolfhound all look like and I feel I have a particular affinity with the miniature schnauzer.

I fell in love with dachshunds in Germany, in spite, or even because of the Larsonesque pseudonym of weiner dog. They were everywhere and made me smile every time I saw one trotting along on their one inch legs (presumably good for stopping them jumping on the furniture). I can't help being impressed with an animal that stands four inches off the ground, yet still manages to look down its nose at you. It's my ambition to have a dachshund called Snags so we can go for walks together and sneer our indignance at the world.

As long as we don't have to go up any stairs...

Coming soon?

I might start posting some random musings on subjects that take my fancy.

English things to do in England

This is just a quick list of things I've done since we got to England a few days ago (bearing in mind that we haven't been here long, and after four months of travel, we're happy to take it easy here):

*Had a full English breakfast, including baked beans and black pudding and two cups of overly milky tea,

*Got confused by the Underground,

*Seen Jane Austin's House,

*Eaten a pickled egg with a bag of crisps while having a half of pitchfork at the Green Tree pub in Bath (the lager was at room temperature too),

*Had tea and scones in St James Park,

*Heard beer o'clock chimed by Big Ben (5pm on a Friday),

*Got a bit squiffy in the Houses of Parliament (apparently all the people who work there do it regularly),

*Shopped at Boots (and eaten food from Tescos and Sainsbury's),

*Heard people in Bristol say 'arr' in answer to any question,

*Had approximately 2.3 hoursof sunshine where it isn't raining.

After a childhood crammed full of Grange Hill, the Bill, the Young Ones and the Two Ronnies, finally everything makes sense. I love it here.

Amsterdam, oh god I'm blushing again!

OK, we got into Amsterdam a few hours ago and I've already had a few moments of feeling incredibly naive. For starters, you really can smell pot coming from loads of the coffee shops (at least I'm assuming that's what it smells like. I wouldn't know, really officer.). Also, I walked past a cookie shop and my first response was 'Mmmm cookies!', closely followed by 'but are they cookies, or cookies?...' Bill thought I was being paranoid, but as he hadn't realised the smell everywhere was pot, I'm not taking him seriously.
To top everything else off and make the Amsterdam cliche's complete, we just went into the local Priceline equivalent so Bill could get shaving cream and I saw something in a gift box display near the counter. It was all tasteful in pastel colours and I started to snigger that it looked like some kind of sex toy, when I had a closer look and it was! You can buy twelve inch battery powered vibrating 'pleasure devices' at the supermarket checkout, next to the M&Ms! I never thought of myself as a complete prude (shut up Arielle- you can talk!) but this place takes liberal to a whole new level. I've seen quite a few men dressed in pink velour or sequins so far, and we got into the city just after lunch, so this is day wear (and quite fetching too). I think I need a cup of tea, but I don't want to go into the wrong type of cafe (honestly).
Tonight we're going to a local evening of stand-up comedy and burlesque with a Swedish guy called Oliver that we've just met. He's riding his BMW around Europe and looked possibly more overwhelmed than me when he asked to sit at the free seat at our pub table. He keeps talking about Wikings, so I have immediately warmed to him and Bill likes him because he lives reasonably close the the Volvo factory. It should be an interesting night.

On a more sedate note, Belgium was beautiful. It was a shame we only had one whole day there between train journeys. The buildings are all very gothic, there are chocolate shops everywhere and Tintin is alive and well. There were also posters clustered together that all seemed to get along despite the differences: 'Jusus Saves' next to 'Saturday Night Gay' to name two. I liked it there. Also, the waffles were brilliant and I rekindled my friendship with Hoegarten.

We have three nights in Amsterdam and then we fly into Bristol to see what the UK has to offer...

Won°t someone stop the accordians?!!!

You guessed it, we°re in Paris and once again the apostrophe seems absent from my keyboard, so bear with the weird little cirle thingo.
OK, quick update- since Rome we°ve been in Florence which was lovely. We queued for three and a half hours to get into the gallery to see David, and he was worth it, really breathtaking. We also had a crash course in Tuscan cooking and wandered around more churches, cobbled streets and museums until I thought I never wanted to see another block of marble; and bitumen really had its merits.
After Tuscany, we went where anyone who had sworn never to go near a boat again would go... Venice! It was surreal there and incredibly boaty. We took a gondola ride (well, you have to really) and saw Casanova°s house and loads of ornate bridges.
After Venice we trained out to France and spent a few days in Nice. Nice is basically nice (snort), but didn°t really grab me as a place to get excited about. Maybe in 30 years when I retire. From Nice we°ve co,e to Paris and Paris is definitely exciting. Today we wandered through the Louvre for most of the day (and saw lots more blocks of marble, but one was the Venus de Milo and she°s still got it). Yesterday we were at the Eiffel Tower and possibly even more exciting than that, today I had my first genuinely French crepes! (They were really good!)
That°s all for now, this keyboard is doing my head in and my head is still full of Da Vinci (the Mona Lisa is way smaller than I was expecting). Hopefully I can put some pics up soon...

Roaming in Rome

It's incredibly hot here, both weather and local tempers (the two guys running this cafe had a huge shouting match about 5 minutes ago. They looked like they were about to start throwing computers at each other. It was quite scary).
We've seen loads of ancient ruins- the Colosseum being the biggie so far, with the place where Julius Caesar was stabbed coming in at a close second. We spent today at the Vatican which was amazing. The buildings were incredibly beautiful. I'm not even going to try and describe the Sistine Chapel, apart from "Wow!". All the people there seemed to be either looking overwhelmed in a non-Catholic way and snapping the odd photo like us, or fervently praying and crossing themselves. I was tempted to splash some holy water because it was so hot, but I thought it might be too sacrilegious so I didn't. I can never remember if it's right or left shoulder first either. (Apologies to any Catholics out there who are reading this and cringing)
We're off on a fast train to Florence in the morning where we might pop in and see David. After that we're heading into France. Not exactly sure where yet. We both want to go to Paris and I want to go to Normandy to see the Bayeaux Tapestry and Bill wants to see the beaches, so we'll be heading North at some stage. We're starting to run out of time to do everything now, which has snuck up on us quickly. Suddenly we only have six weeks left, which sounds like a lot until you realise you want to see another three countries in that time. Anyway, time to head back out into the sweltering heat...

Oh, and Dublin was really fun. Molly Malone (who several bus drivers sang about) turns out to be a fish monger by day with a wheel barrow full of shellfish and a prostitute by night. They love her there- her nicknames include 'the dolly with the trolley', 'the tart with the cart', and every one's favourite 'the trollop with the scallops'. There's even a statue of her in one of the central streets. Working two jobs evidently paid off...

T'be sure, t'be, well, at least fairly confident...

Well, we survived the boat trip and I was happy to get away from all things nautical for a while, so we went back down to Dubrovnik for a few days. I can safely say that I am still definitely not a boat person, but it was one of those life experiences I suppose. Bill had a great time and I did my best.
It was lovely to have a few days in Croatia where we weren't afloat. We got to wander around Dubrovnik and found a place to stay with Jele (Yelleh, not Jelly as Bill insisted on calling her) who was one of the many people crowding the bus station offering accommodation. We spent our first night in her family's spare room and the next two nights in an apartment that she rents out. We had a lovely view and were a short bus ride away from the old town which is the nice bit to walk around.
The weather always seemed to be in the low 30's and I've managed to actually develop quite a tan for the first time in my life. All in all, Croatia is a wonderful place to chill out and relax if you don't mind walking really slowly and stopping for icecream every few hours (it was terrible- really hard!)
After Croatia, we had decided to head to Italy for a while, but in the usual European fashion, it's much cheaper to fly between two adjoining countries, via one on the other side of the continent, than to just go directly. (There is a ferry from Croatia to Italy, but Bill promised me that I don't have to go on a boat again for quite a while. The ground has only just stopped moving for me.) Basically this means that I'm currently sitting in an internet cafe in Dublin. We got here last night and fly to Rome in a few days after checking out the Dublin Writers' Museum (me) and the Guiness Factory (Bill).
The weather is much more my cup of tea (cold and just a bit wet). I loved the heat in Croatia, but it was starting to send me a bit potty. I was also really missing my jeans. People drive on the same side of the road as at home here too, so crossing the street is much easier. I also got to have baked beans and toast for brekky at the hotel we're at, so I'm feeling recharged and ready to keep going with the new and exciting experiences.
As we've only been here for a few hours realistically, I don't have anything really exciting to report yet except that the bus driver this morning regaled us all by singing the ballad of Molly Malone as we tootled around the city.
I'm sure there will be more stories in a few days...
In the meantime, here's some pics of Croatia: Dubrovnik from the city walls walk , Split taken from the boat, and check out my tan!

Yo ho ho and a bottle of paint stripper..

We're still traversing the Adriatic by boat ad it's scorchingly hot. Luckily there's usually an opportunity to jump off the boat for a swim once a day. Today we're on the island of Bol, hiding in the AC'd internet cafe from the sweltering heat outside. All the islands we have stopped at have beautiful old towns with stone streets and sandstone buildings. Everything is sun bleached and old and lovely.
We have another two nights on the boat and then we're back to Split where we started a week ago and dry land (YAY!).
The boat's not too bad, apart from the cockroaches that share our cabin. I haven't felt really ill too much so far. I generally don't like boats, but I've been coping ok with the constant movement. The only thing that's really bothering me (apart from a nagging feeling of nausea) is the way that every time I get off the boat, the ground feels like it's gently undulating. Hopefully this won't take too log to go away. The worst day was yesterday when the sea was quite rough. There were a few of us walking around looking green and this came to a head when we sat down to lunch and were served plates heaped high with oily purple squid and some mystery vegetable that was a nasty shade of green and a texture that implied it had already been chewed. I wasn't the only one who had to look away.
The people are all friendly and I've been trying to break with tradition and be more of a joiner. I even participated in the singalong that was initiated by our captain, Dennis, when he pulled out his guitar. I don't think I Will Survive was quite what he had in mind (he strikes me as more of a Beatles man), but in the local spirit of accommodation and adaptability he found the right chords pretty quickly and valiantly tried to accompany us.
Occasionally with dinner we get a complimentary shot of the local liquor. So far each type has ended with choking which developes into an eye watering, unpleasant burning sensation (not unlike swallowing bleach) and breath that makes you glad not to be a smoker.
I'll do a proper post complete with pictures when we get back to Split. I have a new camera now which has been getting quite a workout, but I keep forgetting to bring the download cable with me. Right now it's almost time for lunch ad the next swim.
Until next time, as the locals say, "Adio!" (or ciao- Italian seems pretty acceptable here too)

Regarding Toilets

A basic guide to some of the more unusual conveniences that we have happened upon in our travels. As we´re only halfway through so far this could be part one. Later on there may be a number two (snigger, snigger)

1, The self-flushing or auto-flush.
Not such a stand-out convenience you might think, but it can be an eyebrow raising experience when you start to turn around and find all evidence of your visit whisked away before you can even search for the (non-existent) flush button. The auto-flush is popular in Singapore (land of efficiency and hygiene) and doesn`t always wait for you to turn around, so those of you who haven`t perfected the art of the hover pee may be in for a rude shock.

This model could be absolutely terrifying if combined with the second model on our list...

2, The squat toilet, also known as the Turkish or Asian toilet.
Without meaning to insult the people and places that prefer this model, the easiest way to describe the squat toilet is as a basic hole in the ground, with porcelain. There are two spots for your feet on either side of the hole, and well, a hole in the middle. The whole apparatus is a dazzling white if you`re lucky and if you`re not, then it`s best to move on from the whole experience as quickly as possible. The floor of the entire cubicle is invariably very wet and I`m sure I`m not alone in wandering how the devout Muslim woman in the full burkas manage to keep all of their clothing dry.
A danger with the squat toilet can be the turbo flush, where once the chain is pulled (and yes it it usually a chain not a button), an over-enthusiastic deluge of water splurts forth and you begin to understand why the floors are always wet. It`s advisable to wear sensible footwear and stand well back when pulling the chain.

Model number three is an easier environment to keeps one`s shoes dry in...

3, The German backwards toilet.
In essence this is just a loo as most of us know them: a comfy sit down job with a cistern at the back and every thing where you would expect it to be- with one exception. The toilet bowl appears to have been put on back to front.
Not to go into too much gory detail, the u-bend (the hole through which everything is flushed away- u-bend?) is at the front of the bowl, not the back. The only difference this causes is that anything you have deposited in the bowl ends up sitting high and dry on display until you hit the flush. Handy for those who like to rate their poo.

The final model for this chapter is one that we`re getting to know more as we traverse the continent...

4, The train toilet.
Generally this is the same as any loo on a plane: small, poky, hard to balance in and good for banging your elbows on the door so that people queuing outside give you odd looks as you exit. There are two noteworthy models I have come across so far. One was in Germany and stood out only because I worked out the sign telling me to close the lid before flushing AFTER I pressed the foot pedal. Luckily the resulting jet of water went straight up and down as the train wasn`t rocking around too much. It did fountain up a good foot above the seat though.
The second rail lavatory that rates a mention was one that I experienced yesterday as we were on our way out of the Czech Republic. Generally I`m happy not to look at the toilet`s contents before I flush, but this one was worth a peek as you could see the train tracks whizzing by through the bottom of the loo. As Bill commented, it explains why the grass is so green around the train lines.

The other main difference with the Euro loo is that it`s not unusual to have to pay to use them.The price varies and there may be different tariffs for urinals and cubicles. So far I haven`t come across any where you had to specify numbers 1 or 2* but I have had to collect my loo paper from the front counter before heading in.

Feel free to write in with your own unusual potty experiences and stories. I`ve finally worked out how to set the comments page so any one can leave a note- you don`t have to have a gmail address any more.

*I did meet a guy this morning who was asked on entering a loo what he needed to do

More from Prague

I'm not sure if this will work (I'm still learning how to put videos on the blog, but if you have sound you should be able to hear the birds going crazy. If not, it will just look like a really bad silent movie of some leaves. The blackbird is my favorite- he's the one that sounds like he's telling a story.
Otherwise, here's some standard pretty pictures of the gardens just a short walk from our hotel room. They're lovely and if you walk for long enough you get away from most of the tourists (this city is swarming with them! I know it's a bit hypocritical of me to complain, but I'm going to anyway) and there's birds and small creatures that scurry around in the undergrowth. I'm hoping for something cute like a hedgehog or a shrew, and I don't want to hear any comments about rats.
We have a few more days here and I'm up for doing some more wandering around in the leafiness. I think there's a maze in there somewhere, but I haven't been able to find it yet. Possibly the whole garden is the maze and I\ve missed the big picture. There are paths zig zagging everywhere. Maybe I can solve the puzzle tomorrow, or at least see the hedgehogs.

Paddling in Prague

Ah for a few days of complete blobby relaxation.
We hit Prague a few days ago and have been quite happy to look at a few pretty things (of which there are many) and enjoy the luxury of our opulent rooms. We booked into a set of apartments, hoping that they had a kitchen we could use so we could save some money by doing our own cooking. What we got was a fridge and kettle, but no actual cooking facilities (unless take away pizza counts), but... we ended up in a two room suite with loads of pot plants, two king sized beds (only bedding for one though, so I still haven't escaped Bill's snoring), loads of antique chairs and tables (not that comfy, but very swish to look at) and a plasma tv. We spent most of yesterday inside, watching MTV and wishing that while we had a decent telly, the Europeans would stop overdubbing all the English and American movies into their own language. We did discover a show called Fist of Zen though, which was hypnotic if not actually entertaining. Might have been the cheap Czech wine we got to go with the pizza. If you're curious you can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZWs3rOXM8U
Today we got a bit more active (we only had the lush room over the weekend, so we're back in a normal one now where we have to share the fridge) and we don't have any antique couches). We went down to the river and hired a peddle boat for an hour to cruise around in. It was really fun and daggy. It even got a bit exciting when Bill started making eyebrow signals at a boat of kids and we ended up having to race them up the river. As there was no obvious finish line this got a bit exhausting. It's quite a big river. Bill also almost managed to ram a guy who was having a nice relaxing time in his row boat until we showed up. There was much yelling of directions and changing course and finally as the guy started to look quite concerned we tried to slam our little peddle boat into reverse gear. I had to explain to Bill that it's not a spaceship and doesn't have reverse thrusters. He stopped being a backseat driver when I was steering after that (for five minutes at least- personal best). We're off to the concert hall in a few minutes to see a performance of Mozart, Beethoven, Vivaldi and some other guy.
We had another cultural experience the other night too when we went to a club that specialises in 80's and 90's music. It was a bit like being back at a blue light disco and although it was good to see versions of teh Tassie Two-step alive and well in Eastern Europe, we made the mistake of not taking our drinks onto the dance floor like everyone else, so we missed a few of the best songs. Still fun though and we did get to boogie to Black Box.
I'll put some Prague pics up soon- we forgot the download cable this time. It really is as pretty as everyone says and we're staying on a street just down from the castle, which we might attempt to climb up to tomorrow. Hope everyone's going well out there.
For anyone who's curious, it was a balmy 27 degrees today.
Time to get cultured...

Gates, monuments, toys, robots and rap dancers- Something for everyone!

Berlin!




We got here a few days ago and have been busy soaking up the culture (and yes they have large glasses of beer here too).

It's a very pretty city. We wandered around the Brandenburg gate yesterday and sat in the sun in front of the Reichstag (much nicer since Hitler moved out and they installed the observation dome). We also wandered through the Holocaust Monument which was fascinating, but quite upsetting.


While we were watching a group of French rap dancers in front of the Brandenburg Gate, there was a huge protest rally with singing and chanting and banner waving. Our German is pretty limited, and all I really understood from the banners was 'politikal'. There also seemed to be a lot of fist waving. The police turned up in a few seconds and although they had batons and were wearing flak jackets, they just watched until the crowd dispersed so it wasn't as exciting as it could have been. I think they were student communists or someting. There was way too much long hair among them to be neo nazis. They did piss off the rap dancers by stealing their crowd, but that was the only real conflict.

On a lighter note, yesterday we also went to Berlin's Legoland and saw lego being made in their oh so scientific factory. The woman in the white coat picked a small boy called Marco to assist her by pressing buttons. Bill will get over it one day.

We did got to build our own lego cars and test them on their in house jump ramp and then we got to ride through the spooky Dragon tunnel where we saw life sized medieval lego knights and wenches boozing it up before descending into the lego torture chamber (and don't the kiddies love it!) and being sneezed on by the huge lego dragon. We were the only adults in there without kids, but the lovely ride attendent let us go through twice. We didn't buy the photo that was taken as we saw the dragon, but Bill was clutching my arm in terror. He also squealed as the lego bats flew overhead. They did have flashing red eyes though.

Last night we went to a pub called the Astro Bar which had really kitch decor (wonderfully daggy purple sequined curtains which clashed perfectly with the red walls and paisley lamps. There were also retro pinball machines and toy robots scattered around the place. We both loved it there.


Not sure exactly how long we're staying here before heading to Prague. We're in the process of finding out the easiest and cheapest way to get there at the mo. There's also a few more things we want to do in Berlin, like maybe go to the Zoo(both), the Technology Museum (Bill), Madame Toussaud's (me). I'm also thinking of getting my hair cut short and there's a place called Hair Factory down the street from this cafe, so we'll see.


Feel free to post comments too. I'm never sure if anyone's reading this :ö)

Bill being a moose

What more can I say?

(taken in the Franfurt Senkenbach Museum)

Cologne, home of the Lindt Museum

Well, we're in Cologne (which embarrassingly I always thought was in France- sorry Germany). As mentioned above, Cologne is home to the Lindt chocolate museum, which is the reason I'm currently feeling a bit ill. Note to other potential chocolate researchers: don't have a chocolate croissant for breakfast before heading in. Also, be prepared for some sugar related twitching in the hours after your visit.

It was a beautiful paradise for Bill and I when we went in. There were bizarre bits of machinery and odd computery things for Bill to admire, and huge vats of molten chocolate for me to drool over. You have to like a place with something for everyone.
Tonight I think we're off to a beer hall that Bill has researched and found that they do bratwurst by the metre. I'm up for something savoury after all that chocolate, but I'm hoping they do smaller lengths too. I've also discovered that Germany has revived the shandy. All those people I thought were really hard core drinking their litre steins of beer weren't necessarily beering it up. The half beer/half lemonade mix is alive and well over here and helps those of us who can't drink more than a stubby without feeling like they're going to explode. It's referred to as radler, and even Becks do a green lemon variety. Bill gives me withering looks when I order it, but I say when in Rome (or Cologne as the case may be)...
Also in Cologne and on tomorrow's agenda, is the Dom (Cathedral). It's massive and can be seen from all over the city, including from our bedroom window.
This is our view:
I think we're climbing the bell tower tomorrow to see the largest still working church bell in the world. In the guide book it says it weighs in at 24 tons and is the world's largest clanger (sorry Chris). There's 508 steps to get up there, so hopefully that will work off some of the chocolate and bratwurst. Do not come to Germany to lose weight!

Cobbled Streets and Castles.

We're in Langendorf where we've been for almost a week now and it's an amazing place. We've been staying with Susan and Klaus and Anna who have been brilliant and have shown us around their favourite spots in the village, local woods and Marburg (the small city about 25 minutes away). These spots have so far included a castle, some beautiful forests with an ancient site of Pagan worship and a lefty cafe bookshop that made great soup.

There are lovely cobbled streets and really old buildings everywhere and it feels wrong every time I see a car drive past. This is serious horse and carriage territory. The brothers Grimm came from this state in Germany and it really feels like being in one of their stories.

Today I helped in a working bee on the local bakehouse. This one was only built in the last 20 years, but it was modelled on the original village style where every fortnight the locals would bring their loads of bread dough and bake enough bread to last them the next two weeks. There's a massive wood fired oven in there and loads of shelves to hold the warm loaves. Part of today's job was scraping these down to remove the dough that builds up. I think the bakehouse is still a bit of a social site as there was a fair bit of gossip going on today. I was trying not to be too paranoid, but you can't help it when you only understand one word in 10 and people look at you and laugh a lot. They seemed like a pretty friendly bunch and shared their frankfurters with me at lunch, so hopefully it was laughing with and not at me. (Although it could have been the tshirt I got in Singapore with the novelty cartoon scrubbing brush on it)

Susan has been giving us an amazing array of traditional German sausages which is keeping Bill happy. I had no idea there were so many types of wurst. It's great because there are so many different types of bread to go with them. You could live on bread and water for a month here and not get tired of the food.

I think tomorrow we're heading into Frankfurt (or that general direction) and then we're going to take a boat up the Rhine and end up in Cologne, which as Bill keeps telling me, houses a massive chocolate factory. I'm not sure why he's so excited- he bought some chocolate in Marburg the other day that was 99% cocoa and tasted like gourmet mud. His track record needs a bit of work for me. I'm a milk chocolate girl myself.

Anyway, that's about it so far. It's been lovely being in a house rather than a hotel,and the family here are complete stars.

The things we've seen around here that stand out for me are:

framework houses (generally dating back around 700+ years);

the dam that was destroyed by the Dam Busters in WWII;

a beaver that we saw splash past in a walk through the woods yesterday (in a dam that wasn't destroyed in WWII);

quite a few castles, often containing armor and shields (we had afternoon tea in one);

a wild boar in the process of being butchered (a bit grisly, but fascinating none the less);

the local sheep being herded through the streets by the shearer,

and Bill and Anna making nettle beer.

Much fun all round.

I love Munich

I know we've only been here for two days and the first of those was spent in a sleep deprived stupor as we bumbled around (we got in at 5am after no sleep and couldn't check into a hotel until 4pm), but I definitely love it here.
The bits of the city that we've seen so far are very beautiful. Loads of old buildings and more than a few cobbled streets. There are a few apartment blocks as you get out of the centre that wouldn't look out of place in Hobart, but every place has its embarrassments and these are more than compensated for by the lovely trees.
We also found the English Garden yesterday and spent a few happy hours wandering around that. Apparently it's the place to go for nude sunbathing, but as it was a bit breezy yesterday, everyone was looking pretty well covered up. There were lots of beautiful old trees, a picturesque stream meandering through, thousands of good looking Germans (seriously, these people are stunning!), a gazebo full of lederhosen clad men playing oompa oompa music and then we made it to the middle. Here was the biggest beer garden I have ever seen. It was an amazing place. There were literally thousands of people feasting on bratwurst, sauerkraut, chips, cakes and pretzels bigger than a hubcap and it was so incredibly ordered. Everyone seemed to have at least one stein of beer that held about 2 litres (we got 1 litre ones and then realised that this was the equivalent of drinking lights) and there were no fights, arguments or even people bumping into one another. It's not that there were clear directions on where to go, everyone just seemed to know. We got in the bratwurst queue, not really sure what we were doing, but as it was about 20 metres long we figured there would be time to work it out, but in about 30 seconds we each had a huge tray of food, a beer and an excess of mustard and were sitting comfortable and saying "Prost" as we clinked steins with complete strangers. It was great.
The people we've seen so far are all really friendly and helpful. We met some lovely security guards at the train station on our arrival from the airport who showed us exactly what we needed to do to get around and then bought us a hot chocolate each (I think Bill's blog has an entry about them). After we dropped our bags off at the hotel (where they wouldn't let us in to have some sleep for another 8 hours) we went out to the Deuchland Museum to kill some time. We ended up walking for a while (in the rain) in completely the wrong direction, but we bumped into an elderly gent taking his morning constitutional who started to give us directions and then changed his route to show us personally. He also insisted that I share his umbrella (Bill wasn't so lucky, but after coming from a country where I had consistently been hissed at in the street just for being a woman, I was happy to take some preferential treatment). We even had to share a tram with about ten really drunk and loud heavy metal fans yesterday (there's a mini Oktoberfest here as well as a Pagan Festival so there have been quite a few people wandering around doing no hands skulling from long necks) who all politely got out of my way and stopped singing so I could get off at our stop.
We're off tomorrow on a train ride across the country to Langendorf, a tiny 700 year old village with a population of 300 where Nina's rellies have offered us a spare room for a few days. Then it's maybe off to Berlin or perhaps Prague.
Also, the standard breakfast here seems to be muesli which is keeping us both happy. Bill was having 'moosli' withdrawals, and I'm not a huge fan, but here it has tiny bits of chocolate mixed in. Also, this morning it came with fresh doughnuts.
Like I said, I love this place.

All in a lather

I just had a proper traditional Turkish Bath and I have to say, it was a pretty full on experience.
I got ushered into a change room, given an oversızed tea towel to wrap around myself and told to take all my clothes off. Being a bıt of a prude, and not being 100% sure that they meant everything, I left my knickers and bra on and tried to cover as much of my body as possible with the tea towel. Before I was really confident that there wasn`t too much of my wobbly thighs showing, my personal bather showed up and led me to the first room.
Thıs was basically a steamy sauna and I was shown the sinks on the walls and the hot marble step and told to sit and pour water on myself. This was mostly said ın charades as the bath woman didn`t speak much English, and I know even less Turkish. She also made it very clear that the bra wasn`t on, quite literally. It was left hanging on a hook on the wall which I suspect is put there specifically for prudes like me. She was alarge jolly Turkish woman ın a bikini who`s obvıously seen it all before.
I was left alone and not sure what to do, I ladled a bıt of tepid water over myself. Another Turkısh woman came ın soon after and her bottles of Pantene made ıt clear that she was an old hand in the bath scene. She very matter of factly started slooshing water everywhere and when she saw my pathetic efforts, came over and turned the taps next to me on forcefully and made me splash more.
Soon after, the original woman came back and led me to the soap massage room. Without further ado, my tea towel was pulled off, she looked resignedly at my soggy knickers, and I was told to lie face down on a huge marble table. Thıs was where I started having flashbacks to being a 3 year old in the bath. I was given a no nonsense scrub from head to foot and then covered in about ten inches of foam. This was quite nice, but as I snuggled into the bubbles, the massage began. It wasn`t particularly relaxing and ıt was a bıt rough (I heard my spine crack ın about five places), so I suspect tomorrow I`ll either be feeling really good, or ın a faır bit of paın. At one point I couldn`t help saying a loud "OW!", which was greeted with a laugh, and she obviously thought I was kidding, because there was no easing up.
The massage wasn`t that embarrassing because she obviously didn`t care, and even when I was lying on my back, I had so much foam on me I was quite decent. I also had my hair shampooed, had buckets ofwater thrown overme to rınse off in and then I was led back to the steam room for more sitting on hot marble and splashing water about.
After about ten minutes of this, I was starting to feel light headed from the heat, but had no idea where my clothes were (the place was like a maze with rooms ın rooms). I shuffled out ın my plastic granny slippers and a new, slightly drier tea towel and bumped into a tiny old woman who wouldn`t take me to my clothes, but wrapped my shoulders ın a towel, made me bend forward so she could do my haır into a turban and then made me sıt by a fıre and drink some hot apple tea. (I was given another towel to put over my knees for modesty.) Where I was sitting was the public waiting room where people walk in off the street, so I skulled my tea and finally found my way back to my clothes, just as a crowd of American boys came in. They looked like they needed a good bath.
I`m still feeling a bit pink and very warm, but incredibly clean. I`ll let you know ıf bruises set ın later.

Ruıns Ruıns Everywhere...

Just as a poınt of ınterest- of all the bıts of collapsed marble ruıns we´ve seen, thıs ıs one of my favourıtes.

The adventure contınues...

We´re currently ın Ecebat (a Turkısh guy at the hotel in Selcuk taught me to remember it as "itchy butt" after having to listen to me butcher the pronunciation) and we´re off to check out Troy and Gallipoli tomorrow.

After that we head back to İstanbul for a day or so and then we have a complete change. Originally we were planning on heading to Greece for a bit, but we´ve decided to turn our plans completely upside down and We´ve found a cheap flight to Munich. So, it´s looking like we´re heading off for beer and bratwurst in a few days!

As we travelled around Turkey, being the greenhorns we are, we went to a travel agent ın Istanbul and booked pretty much the whole month through them. This was good ın that it`s been nice not to have to worry about finding bus depots ın obscure towns (they pıck us up and drop us off everywhere), but has been a bit frustrating because we inadvertently locked our number of days ın each place in. Now that we´re sophisticated world travellers (snort), I´m up for doing things a lot more independently.

Bill, the planner (and mild obsessor, bless hım), is a little stressed at this concept. Whether it´s the fact that things will be more unknown and scary, or that İ´m taking a much more leadıng role in the plan making than İ was, İ´m not sure. He´s coping pretty well though. İ just figure that it can´t be that different from jumping on a plane to New Zealand*. Plus, I got sooooo bored ın Olympos that İ don´t want to be stuck any where for a set period agaın. The trickiest thing about the new plan is actually getting out of İstanbul. The budget aırline we found doesn´t fly out of the main aırport, so we have to fınd the minor aırport that´s over on the Asian sıde of the city. Still not too much of a problem, except that our flight leaves at 3am. Ah well, all part of the fun and games and by 6am we´ll be ın a different country where there are pretzels, but no carpet salesmen.

After Germany, the plan ıs to zıg zag around through Prague, Budapest, Vıenna and eventually get to Croatia where we can hopefully find somewjhere nıce to chill for a few weeks, preferably near some islands where there are sailing possibilıties for Bıll and good coffee for me (despite havıng been ın Turkey for yonks, the only coffee on offer ıs eıther the traditional thimble full that knocks your socks off, or a cup of nescafe with long life milk.)

*Admittedly we didn´t actually do most of the planning on that trip (thanks R and J!), but my point ıs, we could have!

Just some basıc dıfferences from home...

Some random observatıons about Turkey (now that we`re gettıng to the end of thıs leg of the trıp)

*The drıvıng. It`s not just the drıvıng on the other sıde thıng- I just cannot get my head around the road rules here (ıf ındeed there are any). Red lıghts seem to mean that you scream up to the ıntersectıon, honk aggressıvely at: a) any vehıcle that may have had the audacıty to actually stop, b) any pedestrıans that mıght thınk they have rıght of way (never trust the lıttle green man), or c) ıf there`s no one ahead of you, accelerate through wıth one hand on the horn and another wavıng your cıggarette at any other cars. We were on a bus yesterday where as we went through a small town, the drıver honked at some kıds crossıng the road from school and waved hıs fınger at them ın an ındulgent manner as he accelerated towards them doıng over 80 ın a 40 zone. It`s also not unusual to see a tractor carryıng a famıly of 6 chuggıng along the hıghway.

*Goats. Once you get out of Istanbul they seem to be everywhere. They often have bells around theır necks so you can hear them and they`re often clımbıng up what looks lıke a sheer clıff face or holdıng up buses, tractors and cars on the hıghway.

*Hot water and water pressure. Seems to be somethıng that happens to other people. In the (almost) month that we`ve been here I have had maybe two showers where the water got over 5 degrees and one of those got so hot ıt almost blıstered. Also plugs for the sınk or bath seem to be frowned upon. I thınk you`re supposed to be encouraged to send your laundry off to be done for 15 lıra a load rather than scrub your socks ın the sınk lıke we are. Our hostel ıs supposed to be movıng our room thıs arvo, so ı need to get back and hıde the washıng lıne before they see ıt.

*Famıly connectıons. In theory thıs should be nıce, but ıt gets stressful when anyone you meet ıs gauranteed to have a brother/cousın/father who owns a shop sellıng carpets/ pottery/ jewellery/ travel advıce and you should come ın for some apple tea.

*Not beıng able to go outsıde wıthout soemone tryıng to tell you about their brother/ cousın/ father`s shop...

*Moustaches. The bıgger the better.

*Scooters. They`re all the rage here and there`s usually more than one person on any gıven scooter. The most we`ve seen ıs a famıly of fıve on one. The only motor bıkes seem to be pretty small. The bıggest one I`ve seen looked about 750cc and was also drıven by a guy wıth the bıggest moustace I`ve seen. I suspect he`s the Mr Bıg of Turkey.